It took a long time to write this article. Why? Well for one reason, I thought things might change. Life showed me they didn’t. In my first 5 years of school, while I attended Willow Elementary in Cleveland, Ohio things were great. I had lots of friends, and truly interacted well with others.
When grade 6 came around, a new school, new kids, things changed. Now keep in mind, I might have had a couple of people I was really okay with, a few people who actually treated me as someone, and truly wanted to know who I was. The rest, well, that is where I began to see the formation of “clique’s”, it was in 6th grade. Life began to show it’s colors to me back then.
You know, those groups of people who if you didn’t fit a certain personality, or looked a certain way, you weren’t part of. For awhile I was okay with it, I really was, I was just content on going to school, doing the best job I could, and learning what I needed to learn.
I got to high school, that is when you really saw how the world worked. I can’t tell you how separated and distant I felt there. Again, I had a handful of people, truly I can say maybe five, that I truly could call a friend, but that was it. Otherwise, I was not cool enough to be invited to a high school party, or wasn’t this or that to fit into all the countless groups that I saw.
Now here is the part that will blow your mind, did I want to be in these clique’s? I would be lying if I said no, but I now can say I am glad I wasn’t. I am glad I didn’t pander to be part of something, I am glad I didn’t try to be something I wasn’t. I am glad I was just trying to be me.
Now I am an adult. Critics can say otherwise, but I am an adult. They don’t go away, they never did. clique’s still exist, and yes, guess what? I am still not part of them.
What is it about me? I think I am funny, a great guy, maybe too much of a nice guy. Sometimes I think that was always the problem, I was always trying to be nice. The cheerleaders wouldn’t give me the time of day, the jocks just thought they were superior, and then there were those that were just snobby and thought they were the world. Again, glad I wasn’t part of any of it.
So why am I bringing it all up? Not sure, I guess since I am a blogger now, and no longer a Paramedic, I found myself in the same situation again. I am not good enough to be part of some groups, or be considered worthy of a mention, or acknowledgement from those that are above me.
Again, I have a few bloggers I consider gold, and they know who they are, I chat with them, interact when I can, and we help each other when the time comes. The rest, again, just “clique’s” that has followed me since 6th grade.
What I have noticed since social media is a big part of my world, and a big part of this site, is that when I am on Facebook, or Twitter, or anywhere for that matter, that I will interact with others, by liking their posts, leaving comments, and trying to just do good things. The only problem is that I don’t see it back, or those same people will like other people’s posts but not mine. Even though you are active in all the things that they do. Maybe it’s a form of jealousy. Not going to say I am not jealous.
The thing I am not going to do is beg anymore. Not going to beg someone to like my posts or comments. Not going to beg people to like me, or be part of my world. If you want to., make the effort. I did.
I am not going to change the nice person that I am. I am not going to stop liking things, or leaving comments. That is what I do, that is who I am. Do I wish I mattered to people I know, people I used to work with, people I blog around? Yes, I do. Just not going to worry about it anymore. If you want to know me, I am here.
I think “clique’s” destroy humanity in a way. They forget about the people around them, only concerned with what is going on for them and those that are part of it. This can be detrimental to someone who is a really good person, and just wants to feel they belong to something. But they will never have that chance.
So, it’s time to just be myself, and do what I can to be the person I have grown to be. If you want to be my friend, let me know. We won’t be starting a “clique” though. Life goes on.
Have a great day everyone, say something nice to someone, and make their day! ~Tom
Discover more from Tom's Take On Things
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
I can totally relate, Tom. I often feel like an outsider, too. My social anxiety makes it very hard for me to form close relationships with people. I WANT them, but I am really, really bad at reaching out to people. I care deeply for others, but am always worried that if I were to reach out on a more personal level, I would just be bothering people. Maybe that’s due to the fact that my first marriage was abusive and I was basically told on a daily basis that no one would ever like me. That kind of message has a way of sticking, long after the abuse ends. There’s always that little voice in the back of my mind telling me I’ll never, ever be “good enough”, whatever that means. So rather than try to find a place to fit in, I like to remain invisible. It’s more comfortable that way….Lonely, but comfortable. It’s a double-edged sword.
I also have to admit, I am easily intimidated by those who I view as being “more” than I am….More popular…More successful…More wealthy, with nicer things…Prettier…Thinner…And the list goes on and on. I often feel like the ugly duckling, and like the “cool girls” wouldn’t want anything to do with me because I’m not like them. My idea of fun isn’t going out to gossip and get my nails done. The idea of spending the day shopping or ogling Channing Whats-His-Name just doesn’t appeal to me.
I’m weird. I’m different. I don’t measure up to what society wants me to be. And you know what? That’s okay.
I’d rather have a small handful of people I know I can count on than tons of friends who may not be the most genuine.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that you’re not alone. I know all too well the feeling of not fitting in, and it sucks. Please know that I like and respect you very much, even if I fail miserably at reaching out to show it. <3
I agree Brandy, I would rather have a small group of people I know and trust. It is hard, but people I even went to school with, or I used to work with as a Paramedic, seeing them interact with others, and not me, but I interact with them, sometimes make me question why?
Thanks for such a great response! Have an awesome day, so happy to know you!
Tom
I dont comment much Tom. I am one of your night owls. I also have been dealing with hubbys medical problems and just frankly try and stay offline more. Life is made of time, and I dont have tons of it.
I have always liked you, what you write, and what you tweet etc. I follow you on almost all social media channels you have. I have always admired you for who you are. You are a veteran (thank you for your service) you were a paramedic (thanks for saving lives and being there for folks you didnt know)
Yes, it seems there are adult cliques – funny how some things never change. You see it on the blogging end, I see it on the reader end (I enter your contest) You talk about some cutthroat nastiness, come over to the darkside ha!
But I am rambling, I wanted to just tell you, there are lots of out there just like me- we might not comment much, but we really like you. Dont ever feel you arent ‘good enough’ – you always have been , and always will be.
Thank you Ellen, this truly made my day. What wonderful words. Now if I only had 5000 more of you! Have a great day! ~Tom
I’ve known you for years now Tom and to be honest, I’ve always felt like you were a part of the blogger groups that I just didn’t belong in. You’re an incredible guy and it’s been a pleasure getting to know you. <3
Thank you Brooke, while this does involved some blogging, it goes beyond that too. It has been a pleasure knowing you as well, and thank you for being part of who I am too.
~Tom